NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I opened it. I read it. I put it aside.
Later that day, I rented, "'Night, Mother."

Sunday, May 10th, 1987

Dear Adam,
After you left today-I've been thinking-
Why can't you & I share an apartment in L.A. together-I'll get a job out there and I could pay half the rent?
We could get a 2 bedroom apartment so we each could have our own bedroom-I would be happy & you could pursue your career!
I would be so happy to get away from Miami and being near you.
If you don't want to-I won't-But-would you think about it?
Love,
Mom
P.S. It would cut down a lot of my expenses so that I would be able to give you more money-
It would cut down my:
utilities
phone
air-fare
I'd rather give the money to you.

 

Being Of Sound Mind

I get one of these "I'll be dead soon" hand-written wills ONCE A YEAR since the day I left home for college. I was truly taken aback to count the more than TWENTY I'd collected. This one highlights the official notary seal of the State of Nevada. Please tell me this isn't normal. Please.

12/27/03
To Whom It May Concern-
This being my last will-I leave everything I own-bank accounts included to my son-& I appoint him executor of my will.
If, God Forbid, he pre-deceases me, I then leave everything to my grandson-
Being of sound mind, I sign this-

 

The Cat Knocked Over A Candle

Basically, DON'T MOURN! IT'S NOT SAFE!

Dictionary:
Yahrzeit = a commemoration of the death of a Jewish person by a mourner (the child, sibling, spouse or parent of the deceased). The Yahrzeit candle burns for over 26 hours and is lit annually on the day of passing.
Hodgie = my dog's name spelled incorrectly.
Bonnie = my aunt.

8/17/01
Adam-
The 27th is a Yahrzeit for your Dad-But-Don't leave any candles burning when you're not home! That's why I don't light the candle because the whole house can go up in a flame & the dog can be burned! Don't take any chances so close to the wedding-Hodgie is very important-
You can go to Temple & Pray-You don't need to light candles!
Bonnie almost burned her whole apt. down once long ago because the cat knocked over a candle when she was sleeping-
Love,
Mom-

 

Two Spoonfuls

Ah my fellow Epicureans...observe the eloquence with which my mother juxtaposes images of a large ball of turd in her food with several recipes for luscious Chicken with mustard-tarragon sauce and the like. Observe! Digest! Run for the hills, great Marlboro Man!

October, 2003
Wed.
Hey-
Last night I bought a pint of ice cream from a local market & after 2 spoon-fuls I swallowed a wad of chewed tobacco & spit out a little-Anderson Dairy (after I called them) picked up the specimen to have it tested & would let me know the results-can you believe it?
Love-Mom-
{Let me know what the eye Dr. had to say}
Also-Enclosed find some recipes for Maria--