Major Work

And I'm told some people, neglect their teeth.

9/22/00
Adam-
Please make sure your tires are checked every few months
and make sure they're not Firestone Tires.
They say most people neglect their tires and they are so important.
I'm going to have major work done on my teeth.
I have an abscess on an old root canal.
I'm so afraid of this work.
Mom

 

Corn Comes Out The Way It Goes In

I'm prepared to offer a small prize to anyone who's able to tell me what the hell the last line of this letter means.

Sunday
Adam-
Don't eat nuts! It is bad for you and very hard to digest.
That's why the doctor told me not to eat corn or anything that can get caught in the intestine. As you know, corn comes out the way it goes in!
I have gallstones, a hernia, a sensitive intestine and high blood pressure so because I've been to enough doctors, I have some knowledge of what not to eat. I also have arthritis but because of my age, I'm not complaining.
I'm not putting you in my category at all. Just watch what you put in your mouth and get enough rest. You'll be fine.
Keep your bowels open.
Love,
Mom

 

Tim

Oh No! NOT THE DREADED NASAL INFECTION!!!!

3/18/1986
Monday
Dear Adam,
Just a thought!
Tim had an infection before I left.
A nasal infection.
That can be contagious if you drink from the same glass or use the same utensil.
So I hope you didn't catch it from him.
If you did, you have to go on antibiotics, so you can call Dr. Caplan and he can order it over the phone.
Love,
Mom

 

Miami Beach

Attention Weather Channel: Meet your new weather girl...

May 24, 1986
Dear Adam,
Saw this card and thought you'd like it.
It's very hot here. It's so humid you could drop!
Love you-
Mom

 

Benny's Brother

Calling Lt. Bejar. Lt. Bejar. Come in. Over...

10/27/00
Adam-
IF I go to Nan's, I'm not looking forward to staying with Michael. He has the bedroom and Nan and I will be in living-room.
I will be there very little as Nan and I will be out most of the time.
My pager will not work there, so if you have to reach me and their phone doesn't work or Michael forgets to give me a message, and it's important, just tell Benny's brother, who is a police officer in Miami to go to 516 15th street, #12. That's the address of Nan's apartment near Pennsylvania Avenue. You should have it. But, I'm not going to call you while I'm there unless absolutely necessary. I plan to go 11/22 and come back 11/27.
Love,
Mom

 

A Bunch of Liars

Hi! It's Adam calling.
Is my mother, Joan available...?
What? She's on her lunchbreak?
Hmmm..., I don't believe you.


Wednesday
Dear Adam-
Just a note to tell you not to call my office at any time. I'm having a lot of trouble with them and they're a bunch of liars!
Love,
Mom

 

I Thought This Was Aprapo {sic}

This pissed my wife off.