Saturday, January 23, 2010


My maternal grandfather. He divorced my grandmother long before I was born, and she married the man I grew up knowing and loving as, my grandfather. Little did I know until my senior year of high school that (Surprise!) THAT guy wasn't my "BLOOD" grandfather. No no. This guy in Joisey (who never remarried and allegedly liked the occasional nookie from whores), was. Go figure. Sure I wanted him at my wedding. But there was my mother with her letter. Filling my head with the necessary commentary one needs to hear right before their big day. You know, I'm beginning to wonder if my mother (Surprise!) is really my mother.

Dementia is when the brain has deteriorated and the person cannot function rationally. So, anything he says is questionable. So, STAY AWAY from him before the wedding 'cause he's trouble with a capital 'T'.
I've tried to hire a reputable woman for him but he'd rather have his prostitutes! His friends (Frank, the barber) told me to stay away from him and concentrate on my own life. They all know he's weird! Don't worry. If he goes to wedding, Nan and I will gag and bind him! We'll take care of him.
P.S. $20 is for a pizza for you and Maria


Sara said...

Wait, she tried to "hire" a woman for him?

That's... different.

Anonymous said...

you're mom is hilarious.

maybe she's actually my mom.

GardenGirl31 said...

Awhhh, the american family. Is there anything more comforting before your big day? At least your mom's willing to gag and bind someone for you! ;)

Eve said...

Gag and bind him? What a great mom! ;)

sari said...

Hi -

I found you through networked blogs...your blog makes me laugh! Good stuff.

Have a great day!

Adair Seldon said...

I think you should write this scenario as a screenplay and send it to Scorcese! Who would play the 3 parents?

don't eat sushi said...

My vote would be for Gene Hackman as my grandfather, Diane Keaton as my grandmother and of course, Catherine O'Hara would have to play my mother.