Saturday, February 6, 2010

Grapes

In Adam's family, nothing is regular.

Monday
Adam-
Grapes are very good for having bowel movements. I didn't see any grapes in your house!!
Mom


5 comments:

T!nK said...

LMAO!!! This is one of my favs.

tell her that must be why you are always constipated, lmao.

don't eat sushi said...

I promise. I'll tell her. As soon as I can get out of the bathroom.

Shannon said...

I have never fallen in love with anything so quickly. Your blog is maybe the greatest thing ever. I have spent the last hour of my life ignoring my children and reading through every. last. letter. on this blog. I haven't laughed this hard in years. I know all your commenters say their mom is the same. But really. My mom IS the same. I read some of these letters to my husband and he just stared at me with his mouth hanging wide open and finally said "I can't believe there's another one out there!" My mom has literally called my bank - with my birthdate and social security number - pretending to be me- to get a printout of my bank activity. AFTER I was married! So this is my shared account with my HUSBAND! And then she proceeds to leave me messages about "what did you spend $200 on at Smiths? Why did you spend $75 at auto zone? Is your car okay? I can have my mechanic look at it" (keep in mind she lives 3 states away, as does her mechanic). She also will periodically send me priority mail packages (because these items CAN NOT WAIT) of comic strip clippings from the newspaper that remind her of me, news articles about the latest "epidemic" with some grave warning, shady articles with no real sources about babies dying in horrible ways (like I want to know about it) letting me know it could happen just as easily to my children, and then of course my favorite: used dryer sheets. Why? Because my husband and I moved to the desert and she said if I don't use a used dryer sheet when I'm "fluffing" my clothes in the dryer, then my clothes will build up too much static electricity, which as you know is a huge fire hazard. Stange, I thought that's what the new dryer sheets were for. But I guess I should use her used ones so I don't spontaneously combust in my electrically charged clothing. Crazy moms are a wonder.

Shannon said...

Sorry, that was a long comment. I was just so excited to meet someone who has gone through the same thing.

don't eat sushi said...

Shannon, Shannon, Shannon! How did you find me? Do our mothers know each other? How exciting to know there's yet another inappropriate mother out there. I've got over 1,000 of these little gems from mine, and they keep on coming. So your mom still uses the Post Office too? We have got to get them together somehow. Hey-I've got an idea...I'll send you my mother's bank account info and you can have your mom call my mom's bank pretending to be my mother. Then I can find out how much my mom has given me over the decades, and donate that amount to the WORLDWIDE TORTURED OFFSPRING SOCIETY that you and I can start. Sound like a plan? :---)