Little Black Book

So I went to clean out some other boxes of crap in my garage and there this was. Straight outta 1985. Hey, it said, "Little Black Book" and I guess I thought that was kinda cool to have back then. Besides, it was before the internet, dating sites, cell phones and the like, and I needed something to keep track of all the women I was dating at the time.
Right.
Anyway, I went thumbing through the pages.
Wow-I remember Holly. I wonder what happened to her!
Oh jeez-Joy. We didn't even date after I met her that...
And then in one single solitary second, everything came crashing to a halt right then and there in my garage under the letter, 'N'.
It was that handwriting.
Come On!
Seriously?
When? How? For God's sake...Why? Did I need to have that in here?
Was anything I ever did or ever came to possess, sacred? Ever?

Eggs

I knew it was only a matter of time before this showed up, as I wouldn't return any of her phone messages.
And now if you'll excuse me, I must go finish my frittata.

 

Flight Attendant Report

What if her FIRST flight never made it?
I guess I would have been screwed.
And potentially by a Nun.

Dear Adam-
I'm on the plane and this is the only stationary they have.
I wanted to tell you, in case the plane back doesn't make it, Marian is paid in full until September 1. Don't let her tell you otherwise. Some checks were made to her. Others made to Jubilee West in Oakland, CA where her daughter is a Nun.
The checks were issued on 1st Interstate Bank.
My will should be in bag in your apartment in a canvas bag of mine, or with Leonard Cooperman, lawyer in Miami.
Love,
Mom
Keep this letter. It's legal proof.

 

The Thing That You're Supposed To Have

I know. She's right. But when you're in your 40's, the whole reprimanding thing gets a wee bit embarrassing, don't you think? And speaking of thinking, is she following me...?

Monday
Listen, Adam-
I saw you in the car the other day on the phone without the thing that you're supposed to have. You just can't do that. It's just too dangerous. I don't even care about the fine. But it's too dangerous to be on the phone when you're driving. I just saw a movie on TV, I won't tell you about it. You cannot be on the phone when you're driving. I don't know how many times you have to be told!
Love,
Mom

 

Tell Gretchen Not To Answer Any Questions

Bonnie-my Aunt
Gretchen-my old roommate

November 5, 1985
I don't like the fact that Bonnie talks to Gretchen like "an old friend".
Who knows what questions she asks Gretchen.
It's like she interigates {sic} her.
Tell Gretchen not to answer any questions.
Mom