PDES IS CHANGING!

Happy New Year, everyone!

I've been quite the busy little blogger over the past few years. Working hard every night from my plush crib in the San Fernando Valley. Oh the hours I spent alone staring into those bottomless (now torn) paper bags and plastic containers (now swelling) that housed my mother's letters. They all had to be taken out and placed in chronological order. "Can't deal with the kids tonight, honey!" Nope. No siree! I was waaaay too busy. Too busy remembering. Talking. Re-connecting. Dreaming. Smiling. Plotting. And writing like a wacko with a new found purpose in life. THIS was gonna be sweet!

Abrams Publishing, (the same publishing company responsible for the "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" series), signed me to a fabulous book deal for the story of how my mother's letters completely and continually terrorize my life. Can you believe?! Soon, the book will be available at Barnes and Nobles and other bookstores throughout the land! I had a few ideas for what was to be the title and finally settled on, S'Mother. Just seemed more instantly understandable than, "Please Don't Eat Sushi, Love, Mom." It's available for pre-order on Amazon, and will be officially released in time for this Mother's Day in May of 2011!

It's all very exciting. For my mother? Well, not so much. I mean, she's got more important things to focus on. (Like,worrying.)

This blog will be redirected by early February to pair with the book's title and a new website is in the process of being built for all things S'Mother! There's more stuff to tell you, but that's all for now. In the mean time, please pre-order the book. Tell a friend. Tell a co-worker. It's time. It's Mother. It's S'Mother.

Yours truly-
Adam

Corn Comes Out The Way It Goes In

I'm prepared to offer a small prize to anyone who's able to tell me what the hell the last line of this letter means.

Sunday
Adam-
Don't eat nuts! It is bad for you and very hard to digest.
That's why the doctor told me not to eat corn or anything that can get caught in the intestine. As you know, corn comes out the way it goes in!
I have gallstones, a hernia, a sensitive intestine and high blood pressure so because I've been to enough doctors, I have some knowledge of what not to eat. I also have arthritis but because of my age, I'm not complaining.
I'm not putting you in my category at all. Just watch what you put in your mouth and get enough rest. You'll be fine.
Keep your bowels open.
Love,
Mom

 

A Bunch of Liars

Hi! It's Adam calling.
Is my mother, Joan available...?
What? She's on her lunchbreak?
Hmmm..., I don't believe you.


Wednesday
Dear Adam-
Just a note to tell you not to call my office at any time. I'm having a lot of trouble with them and they're a bunch of liars!
Love,
Mom

 

40 Girls

Well, if she couldn't be a coddling mother to ONE,
why not try being a coddling mother to MANY!
The year? 1996. The zip? 77840. The outcome? What do you think?

Hi!
Getting ready for the girls to move in. One more week of being alone and then 40 girls move in with me! Help!
Love,
Mom
My zip is 77840.

 

Stay Away

Nanny are you ok? So Nanny are you ok? Are you Ok, Nanny?

Saturday
Adam-
Don't go near Nan until we find out from the doctor why she has a rash all over her body and face! I don't know if it's contagious. So stay away.
Love,
Mom

 

I Play The Lottery

"You've got to ask yourself one question...Do I feel lucky?"

Tuesday
Adam-
Since I had to get out of my place that I was renting with a very unpleasant lady, you let me come stay with you for a couple of weeks until I move into my new place, and I really appreciate it as I know you both have a busy life. What with the kids, the Nanny, and the two of you both working, I realize it's quite an imposition to say the least! Even a relative should not be a handicap to their children!
I play the lottery once in awhile and if I win tonight, I'll move into a hotel (which is what I would prefer) and I'd be very happy to give you kids half of my winnings as I know things are hard for you both in this recession (as it is for a lot of people.)
But, we should all remember to count our blessings and we have many to be grateful for.
Love,
Mom

 

Do Me A Favor-Please Don't Eat Sushi

Ladies and Gentlemen, here it is! The letter and newspaper clipping from 1989 that inspired the title for this blog! It was waiting for me to re-discover it at the bottom of one of my piles.
So without further ado, it is my honor to share it here with you. Right now, for the very first time!
The worm has turned.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

There, I Feel Better

Uh oh. I sold that piano with the bench.

Sunday
Dear Adam
As I'm getting on in years, you should know that my Will is in the piano bench and my life insurance policy is with Mutual of Omaha.
There, I feel better.
Love,
Mom

Lutheran

If this letter from the late 80's could be performed as a scene of a phone conversation with my Jewish mother, my part would probably go something like this:
Hello? Hi Mom. Ok. Ok. Ok. Oh, right. Ok. Cool. Right. Ugg. Nice girl...right. Alright. What? (Click.) Hello? Mom? Hello? (End scene.)

Saturday
Adam-
This is my plan. When I get the ticket from you to go to California on Thanksgiving, I'll stay with you for that weekend. Then, I'll stay with Reva for 3 weeks. The lady near Melrose.
Then, I'll fly to NY on December 26th, stay with Bonnie for 2 weeks. Then, move into the woman's residence in NY and live there while I work at that paper on Wall Street. I can't stay here any longer than Thanksgiving!!! I'd rather be dead. This is no place for a nice girl like me!
So, when I call to make my ticket, it will only be 1 way.
Love,
From your Lutheran Mom

LA Philharmonic

I can almost see the marquee now...
MR. BERENTHAL PRESENTS...
THE LA PHILHARMONIC PLAYING SELECTED POP SONGS BY
SOME GUY YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF.

Tuesday
Adam-
Enclosed find $50 just for you. I sent a $100 money order last
week to your house. Did you get it? It was for your anniversity (sic).
Love,
Mom
(over)
Have you ever heard of Famous Artists? Anyhow, I spoke with
Mr. Berenthal who is the creator. He said to find out who the Manager of LA Philharmonic is and call him and ask if the Philharmonic can play one of your pieces at the Pop concerts that they put on. They sometimes do this.
Also, Mr. Bernthal , who was also Head of the Music Department at Syracuse, said for me to tell him who manager is because if he knows him, he'll make sure your compositions are played by LA Philharmonic.

 

Don't Ask Me Anything About My Date

A lot of you will probably say, "Good for her for having a date!" However, keep in mind, sometimes I feel like the parent: What's his motive? Who is he? Where will you be going? Is he out of his mind?
See? I really DO care!

 

I Met This Gal At The Pool

Dear Tori, I know it's 15 years later, but I'm around next Tuesday...???

3/15/94
Adam-
I met this gal at the pool of a hotel. She owns Maddhatter Films in LA. (xxx)xxx-xxxx. She said she could put you in touch with some managers.
Just don't sign anything!
She'll be back the 1st week in April. Her name is Tori. Just say your mom met her at a pool in Miami and she'll know who it is!
Love,
Mom
Networking can't hurt!

 

About 20 People!

This postcard made me smile.
Back in 1996, I released my first CD of original songs called, "You Don't Know Me...from Adam". Thanks to my mother, it sold way beyond my wildest expectations!

Adam-
I told everyone at work about the CD. They are all going to buy it!
About 20 people!
Love,
Mom

 

Poison

Dear Adam Pictures presents:
THE MOUSE TRAP II
This time, it's literal.

Monday
Adam,
My roommate at this house I'm staying at, just told me that she put POISON down on her kitchen counters the other day. She said she saw a mouse there. I didn't know about it until just now and I'm the only one who cooks in the kitchen.
I told her if I Drop Dead in the next few days, my son will own her house and everything in it! I just wanted you to know.
Love,
Mom

Eva Marie Saint

Tuesday
Adam-
I just finished up with the Department of Motor Vehicles-and the guy who snapped my picture, asked me if I was Eva Marie Saint! The movie star!
Just thought I'd let you know!
Love,
Mom

PLEASE DON'T EAT SUSHI GETS A VIDEO

Thanks to a wonderful company named VIDLIT, I am SO proud to announce the "World Premiere" of the video for, "Please Don't Eat Sushi, Love Mom!" That's right! It's a short little movie about my letters!

But wait! There's more! The narration was done by yours truly, and yes, my mother. She was nice enough to actually come into a recording studio and read 5 of her very own letters. (Though she still didn't find anything funny about any of them. The sound engineer was in stitches throughout.) I was going to ask Edie McClurg to play the voice of my mom, but realized that old adage about the truth being stranger...

Check it out! Tell your friends and family!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=C15xPM5p0QI