I'm Very Serious

Warnings.
For my mother, they're as constant as the Four Seasons...
Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. Only here, they're better known as-
Aunt Bonnie, Uncle Michael, Alisa and Saul.

March 14, 1988
Saturday
Dear Adam,
Don't tell Bonnie any of your business unless you want everyone to know.
She likes to talk to people. It makes her feel important.
Don't ever let Michael in your apartment. He's no good and he'll steal anything you have when you're not looking. I'm very serious. I won't let him in mine and Bonnie told me she won't let him in hers.
You better believe if he shows up there, it's for no good.
Is Alisa working or going to school? What is she doing? What are her goals?
Saul, my landlord, is a bastard and after June, I will be out of here.
Love,
Mom

 

Don't Hesitate To Call The Police

Mailed to me on June 22nd, 1987. Opened for the 1st time on May 24th, 2009. I'm glad she mentioned

(uncle)

in her letter. Otherwise, I might not have known which Michael she was referring to...

Sunday-
Adam-
Do not allow Michael (uncle) to stay in your apartment at any time!
If he shows up, say your girl-friend is there and there is no room. If he calls, say the same thing.
He has no way of knowing. Fore-warned is fore-armed!
Remember, he is not one you can trust for 1 minute and if you value your things, do not allow him in your apartment at ANY time.
Love,
Mom
P.S. Don't hesitate to call the police if he gives you any trouble!

Nan & Michael Are F***ing Out Of Their Head

Will the real person out of their head, please stand up...

And P.S. Don't worry. My mom ended up moving back to Los Angeles soon after I received this lovely Thanksgiving Day greeting. Are you happy?!

11/24/93
Adam-
After I spoke to you today and you asked me if "I was happy", I wondered if something was wrong with you! How could you ask me that? Do you think I've been having a good time?
I have no home, no job, and I'm struggling just to keep a roof over me and you ask "if I'm happy"!!
I haven't seen you in 4 months. I'm lonely and yet you ask me that. Don't you realize what I'm going through?
Nan & Michael are fucking out of their head and I have no one to talk to. You wanted me out of LA. I should ask, "Are you happy?"
You got what you wanted.
Mom

 

SAY UNCLE

OK.
Fine.
I give up.

12/19/89

Adam,
Another reminder-
Don't ever let Michael (your uncle) into your apartment.
Love,
Mom

 

Resistant Form

I love the letters which featured the "URGENT WARNINGS". This one was written on May 10, 1986 and starts out normal enough, then spirals down into woes about safe deposit boxes, and the terror of my "evil" UN...CLE...MI...CHAEL, (who was a constant worry for my mom). The letter finally climaxes with 2 points no letter should be without. Inappropriate? Yes. Entertaining? Perhaps. Mortifying? You KNOW it. I submit to you, your Honor, exhibit number 392,410:

Dear Adam, Friday

Enclosed find payment that has to be made to NDSL. Also enclosed is a check for $50. to help with it.

Benny sent me a birthday card. Wasn't that nice?

Nan had given me the key to her safe-deposit box before she left. When she came back I went to give her the key which was supposed to be in the envelope. I hadn't opened it to look inside when she gave it to me. As it turns out, there was nothing inside of the envelope. no key. Michael probably took it before he left to go out of town.

Just be advised that he is a thief! Do not allow him in your apartment at any time! Forewarned is forearmed. He probably took out whatever she had in that safe deposit box. Nan claims that she probably misplaced the key! Naturally, she defends him. Listen to me...

Love,
Mom

1. Don't drink rain-water.
2. There's a resistant form of gonorrhea going around-Use a condom-