The Jersey Family

But I heard her exclaim, ‘ere she drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all...,
except for those people in Jersey!"

Thursday
Adam-
I'm not telling you who to be friends with. It just offends me that Bonnie and the Jersey Family have nothing to do with me except when you're in town, and that's because my life is hard and I have no money. If I were married and had money, it would be different. They don't want to deal with anything unpleasant. That is why Claire-Ruth has nothing to do with Nan. My sister has nothing to do with me. The only thing that offends me is that YOU are not offended by this.
They are self-absorbed, narcissistic people and I want nothing to do with them, either. So, when Holidays come around and they celebrate and do NOT invite me, do not expect me to go when you show up in town and I suddenly get an invitation.
Mom

 

Major Work

And I'm told some people, neglect their teeth.

9/22/00
Adam-
Please make sure your tires are checked every few months
and make sure they're not Firestone Tires.
They say most people neglect their tires and they are so important.
I'm going to have major work done on my teeth.
I have an abscess on an old root canal.
I'm so afraid of this work.
Mom

 

Benny's Brother

Calling Lt. Bejar. Lt. Bejar. Come in. Over...

10/27/00
Adam-
IF I go to Nan's, I'm not looking forward to staying with Michael. He has the bedroom and Nan and I will be in living-room.
I will be there very little as Nan and I will be out most of the time.
My pager will not work there, so if you have to reach me and their phone doesn't work or Michael forgets to give me a message, and it's important, just tell Benny's brother, who is a police officer in Miami to go to 516 15th street, #12. That's the address of Nan's apartment near Pennsylvania Avenue. You should have it. But, I'm not going to call you while I'm there unless absolutely necessary. I plan to go 11/22 and come back 11/27.
Love,
Mom

 

Dr. Chester

Fine. I'll put off the Lasik.

Wednesday
Adam-
Your grandfather, Dr. Chester, once told me if you can avoid surgery and take other courses of treatment, do so, because surgery is a last resort. He said it can cause other problems that are more severe than original problem. Case in point, he had open heart surgery. They said the operation was a success.
Maybe.
But he died 15 hours later.
Love,
Mom

Little Black Book

So I went to clean out some other boxes of crap in my garage and there this was. Straight outta 1985. Hey, it said, "Little Black Book" and I guess I thought that was kinda cool to have back then. Besides, it was before the internet, dating sites, cell phones and the like, and I needed something to keep track of all the women I was dating at the time.
Right.
Anyway, I went thumbing through the pages.
Wow-I remember Holly. I wonder what happened to her!
Oh jeez-Joy. We didn't even date after I met her that...
And then in one single solitary second, everything came crashing to a halt right then and there in my garage under the letter, 'N'.
It was that handwriting.
Come On!
Seriously?
When? How? For God's sake...Why? Did I need to have that in here?
Was anything I ever did or ever came to possess, sacred? Ever?

Tell Gretchen Not To Answer Any Questions

Bonnie-my Aunt
Gretchen-my old roommate

November 5, 1985
I don't like the fact that Bonnie talks to Gretchen like "an old friend".
Who knows what questions she asks Gretchen.
It's like she interigates {sic} her.
Tell Gretchen not to answer any questions.
Mom

Discrepency

And in this corner...defending her title...
weighing in at 112 pounds...from Bayonne, New Jersey...
Adaammm's Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

Thursday
Adam-
I'm really upset!
You and Maria had a fit when I told you I'd have to stay at your place for a month. So I called my friend and I only had to stay 2 weeks at your house! Yet, Annette, when she was there for 2 months, you both were happy to see her leave!
Now, she's coming out for July and August and she'll have to have use of a car too so Maria will have to take you and pick you up from work. Plus, her airfare and all the food she buys.Why is there such a discrepency between how you treat me and her mother?
Love,
Mom

Sunday, Wednesday, Friday

Three letters. One topic. Same week.
You ready?
Go!

#1
Sunday
Adam-
The Jewish newspaper in LA at the newsstand on Fairfax near Canter's, they will have ads for music teachers at the various temples. Their requirements are not the same as public schools. If you're interested, this will give you a salary and a lot of paid vacation time to pursue other things. You could sell the pianos in the summer when school is closed. With your background at the Hebrew Academy, they will love you!
Mom
(over)
Did Maria get the priority mail I sent her?
P.S. I'm thinking of coming to LA to see you on Labor Day which is the beginning of September. I have a week's vacation. Is that all right? Please let me know so I can buy my ticket.

#2
Wednesday
Adam-
I'm just concerned that you won't have the security of a salary if it's only commission. If you worked in a school as a music teacher, you would have a salary and benefits. What benefits do they give you?
Love,
Mom
Also-
If you have a show Saturday night, how can you work all day Saturday? Maybe you only have to work Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday? Yes?
Mom

#3
Friday
Do you want to have the hectic life of a salesman? Why wouldn't you want a job with job security and vacations and bonuses and such? Teaching in a private school like a temple school can do that. What happened to that job with Scott to score his movie? You never keep me on top of these things.
It's your life so please forgive me to be so presumptuous as to tell you what to do. I just want life to be fulfilling for you so whatever you choose to do, I am behind you.
Did you know your father was considering on going back to Medical School just before he got sick and he was in his early 40's?
Love,
Mom

 

 

 

I'm Very Serious

Warnings.
For my mother, they're as constant as the Four Seasons...
Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. Only here, they're better known as-
Aunt Bonnie, Uncle Michael, Alisa and Saul.

March 14, 1988
Saturday
Dear Adam,
Don't tell Bonnie any of your business unless you want everyone to know.
She likes to talk to people. It makes her feel important.
Don't ever let Michael in your apartment. He's no good and he'll steal anything you have when you're not looking. I'm very serious. I won't let him in mine and Bonnie told me she won't let him in hers.
You better believe if he shows up there, it's for no good.
Is Alisa working or going to school? What is she doing? What are her goals?
Saul, my landlord, is a bastard and after June, I will be out of here.
Love,
Mom

 

Capricorn Man

First the horoscope arrived.
Then about a week or so later, came the letter.
By the way, I am a Capricorn Man. My wife, is a Gemini.
Welcome to La Vida Loca.
And Happy Mother's Day, Everybody!

Thursday
Adam-
1. I had NO idea that was on the horoscope. I didn't even remember what Maria's birthday was. (I only read the CUTE saying they had.)
2. If you want me to be the "Bad" guy in this for something "harmless", then so be it. I can't control what people think! If I bothered to look at that part of the clipping, I may have thought twice. But, it was so unimportant to me, I never even looked! Maria should know in her heart how very much I care for her!
3. If you still have the cold after the antibiotics stop, you should have the doctor renew them 'cause I had to renew mine when I had the flu. You have to stay on 1 week longer. It's so cold up here now, I had to put on my heavy "down" coat 'cause I don't want to get sick again.
Take care-
Love,
Mom

 

 

Sketch Larry Did

This letter and napkin arrived in the early 1990's, right before my big trip to Australia with my then-girlfriend, Dana. Thank you Larry, (whoever you are), for capturing the essence of confidence, joy and complete lack of fear that was, is, and always will be..., my mother.

Adam-
Enclosed find sketch Larry did of me. Don’t my eyes look sad?
Anyhow, Bon Voyage and have fun.
Love,
Mom
P.S. Is this a better note?

 

I Wonder What He Was Doing

What?

Sunday
Dear Adam-
One of the neighbors told me she saw Saul, the landlord go into my apartment when I was at work. I asked him if he did and why and he said he doesn’t recall doing it!
I know the neighbor wouldn’t make up a story and I wonder what he was doing when he comes in here! You just feel like your privacy has been invaded! I’m going to tell him not to come in here unless I know about it! Anyhow, I got that off my chest.
I sent Dr. Rish another $25. I don’t understand why you to to him so much! You only have to send Iliana $100. You can pay her the other $100 later.
I love you.
Mom

 

Beautiful Nose

This one blows in from 1983.

Wednesday
Dear Adam-
Just a note to remind you that if you have to pay anyone for anything, write a check from your CHECKING ACCOUNT. Do not pay any other way. If you don't have enough in your checking account, wait until you do before you pay any bills.
I have a busy day tomorrow so I'll try to get to bed early.
Love,
Mom
P.S. You have a beautiful nose! Don't let anyone touch it!

 

Grapes

In Adam's family, nothing is regular.

Monday
Adam-
Grapes are very good for having bowel movements. I didn't see any grapes in your house!!
Mom

I Know What I'm Talking About

Looking back on it all, I can't believe what a fool I've been. Of COURSE my mother knew the truth about her own father and his "business". She lived with the man until she was 3 years old! Oh sure, they lost touch for decades when he left, but my mother kept tabs. And in her own cryptic way, she was obviously just trying to protect me from his posse and their covert ties with the underworld.

Sunday,
Adam-
I sent you $20 at your home. You never mentioned it.
Here's a little extra for your pocket.
Love,
Mom
P.S. Don't get involved with Pop's business. And don't sign anything regarding his business! I know what I'm talking about.

Prostitutes

My maternal grandfather. He divorced my grandmother long before I was born, and she married the man I grew up knowing and loving as, my grandfather. Little did I know until my senior year of high school that (Surprise!) THAT guy wasn't my "BLOOD" grandfather. No no. This guy in Joisey (who never remarried and allegedly liked the occasional nookie from whores), was. Go figure. Sure I wanted him at my wedding. But there was my mother with her letter. Filling my head with the necessary commentary one needs to hear right before their big day. You know, I'm beginning to wonder if my mother (Surprise!) is really my mother.

8/21/01
Adam-
Dementia is when the brain has deteriorated and the person cannot function rationally. So, anything he says is questionable. So, STAY AWAY from him before the wedding 'cause he's trouble with a capital 'T'.
I've tried to hire a reputable woman for him but he'd rather have his prostitutes! His friends (Frank, the barber) told me to stay away from him and concentrate on my own life. They all know he's weird! Don't worry. If he goes to wedding, Nan and I will gag and bind him! We'll take care of him.
Mom
P.S. $20 is for a pizza for you and Maria

LA Philharmonic

I can almost see the marquee now...
MR. BERENTHAL PRESENTS...
THE LA PHILHARMONIC PLAYING SELECTED POP SONGS BY
SOME GUY YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF.

Tuesday
Adam-
Enclosed find $50 just for you. I sent a $100 money order last
week to your house. Did you get it? It was for your anniversity (sic).
Love,
Mom
(over)
Have you ever heard of Famous Artists? Anyhow, I spoke with
Mr. Berenthal who is the creator. He said to find out who the Manager of LA Philharmonic is and call him and ask if the Philharmonic can play one of your pieces at the Pop concerts that they put on. They sometimes do this.
Also, Mr. Bernthal , who was also Head of the Music Department at Syracuse, said for me to tell him who manager is because if he knows him, he'll make sure your compositions are played by LA Philharmonic.

 

People Are So Odd

Proof once again that in my family, odd is relative.

Monday
Dear Adam,
Just a note to say hello.
The night you had your car stolen and I reported it to the insurance company the next day, do you know the only thing Nan was concerned about 'cause she heard me on the phone was, "How did Adam afford to put an $800 stereo in the car?!" I didn't answer, but she kept repeating it. Can you imagine! It's none of her business!
Love,
Mom
P.S. People are so odd.

 

Oops, Mom

Found this letter just in time for the holidays, and I can't decide which is more odd. The fact that my mother isn't sure I'd know what the word, "Gelt" means, (after sending me to Hebrew school for 6 years), or the fact that she's not quite sure who SHE is. By the way, Annette is my mother in law.
I think.
Oh, I don't know.

11/29/99
Adam-
Enclosed find a little Hanukkah gelt, which means money. Use it to buy whatever.
Spoke with Annette. We're supposed to meet one day next week and go to a comedy club.
Love, Joan
Oops, Mom

Someone That Turns Me Off!

Letter Dictionary:
Graham=Someone she dated.
Dundee=Someone she never dated but admired.
Adam=Me=Her son=Someone who'd have preferred never reading ANY of this.

Thursday
Adam-
The guy (Graham) really is a Jerk! He's NO Dundee either! He's not at all masculine. A wimp! I can't stand weak men! That's why he likes that German lady. She's happy to take control. And Adam, I can't go to bed with someone that turns me off! I don't think you could either!
I don't know if there's anyone out there for me. If not, I'll just do the best I can on my own. I'd rather be alone than put up with someone's behavior that makes me want to throw up. If I weren't so particular, I could have been re-married 10 times already!
Take care of you for me. You're the most important man in my life. (Until another comes along.)
Love-
Mom