Flight Attendant Report

What if her FIRST flight never made it?
I guess I would have been screwed.
And potentially by a Nun.

Dear Adam-
I'm on the plane and this is the only stationary they have.
I wanted to tell you, in case the plane back doesn't make it, Marian is paid in full until September 1. Don't let her tell you otherwise. Some checks were made to her. Others made to Jubilee West in Oakland, CA where her daughter is a Nun.
The checks were issued on 1st Interstate Bank.
My will should be in bag in your apartment in a canvas bag of mine, or with Leonard Cooperman, lawyer in Miami.
Love,
Mom
Keep this letter. It's legal proof.

 

Ashes In A Closet

Whenever my mother travels, a letter from her is inevitable and its topic will always involve her passing. This one arrived right before her recent trip to New York.

 

There, I Feel Better

Uh oh. I sold that piano with the bench.

Sunday
Dear Adam
As I'm getting on in years, you should know that my Will is in the piano bench and my life insurance policy is with Mutual of Omaha.
There, I feel better.
Love,
Mom

Poison

Dear Adam Pictures presents:
THE MOUSE TRAP II
This time, it's literal.

Monday
Adam,
My roommate at this house I'm staying at, just told me that she put POISON down on her kitchen counters the other day. She said she saw a mouse there. I didn't know about it until just now and I'm the only one who cooks in the kitchen.
I told her if I Drop Dead in the next few days, my son will own her house and everything in it! I just wanted you to know.
Love,
Mom

Life Insurance

Just another normal letter listing her life insurance, along with some advice as to how to best insure my son's life. (Annette, by the way, is my mother-in-law.)

Life Insurance
Adam-
1. United of Omaha-$10,000
2. AARP-right noow $7000 but will increase to $15,000 in May
3. My retirement. You will get $200 a month.
Also, when Annette comes to you, I love her but I wouldn't trust her driving Truman around.
Love,
Mom

Nan Saw The Letter!

At least once in my life, someone has told me something about themselves that I feel they’re trying to convince me of believing rather than simply having a normal conversation. Has that happened to you? For me, it’s like hearing the phrase, "I swear I'm telling the truth!" after every word they say. That's how I ALWAYS feel when it comes to my mother. And now, I honestly doubt the validity of everything she tells me.
Take the information sent to me in this letter. 100%? In the whole city? In history? Besides, Nan is 91 years old! She can hardly see anything...

NYCERS=New York City Employee's Retirement System

Just want you to know, if anything happens to me, this is the place you call as you are listed as my beneficiary in the event of my demise and you continue to collect $200 a month.
Mom
(over)
Did you know I was the only one in the history of New York City that ever placed 100% on the civil service exam for social workers? I have the letter they sent me to that effect!
Nan saw the letter!

 

Being Of Sound Mind

I get one of these "I'll be dead soon" hand-written wills ONCE A YEAR since the day I left home for college. I was truly taken aback to count the more than TWENTY I'd collected. This one highlights the official notary seal of the State of Nevada. Please tell me this isn't normal. Please.

12/27/03
To Whom It May Concern-
This being my last will-I leave everything I own-bank accounts included to my son-& I appoint him executor of my will.
If, God Forbid, he pre-deceases me, I then leave everything to my grandson-
Being of sound mind, I sign this-

 

Use It Well

Did you know that for a mere $17.00 at LAX, you too can bring comfort and joy to your family in the event the plane you're boarding takes a swan dive? It's true! Do NOT get on that aircraft without buying some flight insurance! $17 buys you $300,000! Step right up! Now have a great flight!

11/20/2002

Keep this in case plane crashes-It's for round trip-you get $300,000. Use it well.
Mom