Saturday, June 20, 2009

Keep It In Your Closet

And now it's time for Feng Shui, with Joan...

Saturday
Adam,
Please make sure your tires are in good condition. I got a raise today and I would be glad to pay for a new tire. You could keep the other one for a spare. You could keep it in your closet. I could send you $200 for a new tire. Please let me know. They are still talking about Firestone Tires and how they are bad. I hope you don't have Firestone. Check Maria's tires too.
Mom

 
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Saturday, June 13, 2009

Is It Personal?

Let's see...asphyxiation? Check. Vandalism? Check. Make sure you worry about things that really don't matter? Check. And, oh yeah...Shwew! I almost forgot something...Does your wife not like when I visit?
Check, please.
(Marcello=my 3 year old
Truman=my 5 year old
Maria=my wife)

Adam-
Watch Marcello as he puts things around his neck and he could choke himself! Also, make sure the front door is locked as anyone could come up and open the door.
And, when you pick-up Truman, make sure you get there early enough so you could get a parking spot.
Why does Maria wait till I leave before she comes home? I never get to see her! Is it personal?
Love,
Mom

 
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Sunday, June 7, 2009

The Hardest Working Man In Real Estate

So I was speaking with my close childhood friend, Ben the other day. He lives in Minnesota now and we don't get to speak to each other as often as we'd like. We both have families and are very busy people, but still keep in touch.

Several months ago, he mentioned that my mom sent him a letter. "She sent YOU a letter?", I responded. I'm not sure WHY I acted surprised when I asked him what the letter said. He scanned it and emailed it to me. As I read it for the first time on my computer screen, I was propelled back into the 6th grade boys' locker room (read the very 1st blog entry) as I felt a sudden rush of anger and embarrassment wash over me.

I couldn't imagine why my mother (even though she knows Ben) would feel comfortable writing him and more mortifying...suggest that Ben should speak to me more often. That I miss him. Man! I understand she means well, but come on!

That said, could my mother not have found a decent piece of paper to write ON? This one is courtesy of a realtor known as, "The hardest working man in real estate". Where does she find this stuff? Ironically, I believe my mother could be the mascot for all things prudential...

Benny-
Excuse the paper. I love the picture of your boys. They are so beautiful.
Did you know Adam is selling his house? You should speak to him more often. He misses you.
Love-
Mrs. C

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Life Insurance

Just another normal letter listing her life insurance, along with some advice as to how to best insure my son's life. (Annette, by the way, is my mother-in-law.)

Life Insurance
Adam-
1. United of Omaha-$10,000
2. AARP-right noow $7000 but will increase to $15,000 in May
3. My retirement. You will get $200 a month.
Also, when Annette comes to you, I love her but I wouldn't trust her driving Truman around.
Love,
Mom

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Don't Hesitate To Call The Police

Mailed to me on June 22nd, 1987. Opened for the 1st time on May 24th, 2009. I'm glad she mentioned
(uncle)
in her letter. Otherwise, I might not have known which Michael she was referring to...

Sunday-
Adam-
Do not allow Michael (uncle) to stay in your apartment at any time!
If he shows up, say your girl-friend is there and there is no room. If he calls, say the same thing.
He has no way of knowing. Fore-warned is fore-armed!
Remember, he is not one you can trust for 1 minute and if you value your things, do not allow him in your apartment at ANY time.
Love,
Mom
P.S. Don't hesitate to call the police if he gives you any trouble!


Sunday, May 17, 2009

Nan & Michael Are F***ing Out Of Their Head

Will the real person out of their head, please stand up...

And P.S. Don't worry. My mom ended up moving back to Los Angeles soon after I received this lovely Thanksgiving Day greeting. Are you happy?!

11/24/93
Adam-
After I spoke to you today and you asked me if "I was happy", I wondered if something was wrong with you! How could you ask me that? Do you think I've been having a good time?
I have no home, no job, and I'm struggling just to keep a roof over me and you ask "if I'm happy"!!
I haven't seen you in 4 months. I'm lonely and yet you ask me that. Don't you realize what I'm going through?
Nan & Michael are fucking out of their head and I have no one to talk to. You wanted me out of LA. I should ask, "Are you happy?"
You got what you wanted.
Mom

 
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Sunday, May 10, 2009

Ouija Board

Is this a weird Mother's Day gift?
Maybe that can be the first question I ask of it...

Saturday 5/9/09
Adam-
For Mother's Day, I bought Maria a Ouija board.
I hope you both have fun using it.
Love-
Mom


 
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