Capricorn Man

First the horoscope arrived.
Then about a week or so later, came the letter.
By the way, I am a Capricorn Man. My wife, is a Gemini.
Welcome to La Vida Loca.
And Happy Mother's Day, Everybody!

Thursday
Adam-
1. I had NO idea that was on the horoscope. I didn't even remember what Maria's birthday was. (I only read the CUTE saying they had.)
2. If you want me to be the "Bad" guy in this for something "harmless", then so be it. I can't control what people think! If I bothered to look at that part of the clipping, I may have thought twice. But, it was so unimportant to me, I never even looked! Maria should know in her heart how very much I care for her!
3. If you still have the cold after the antibiotics stop, you should have the doctor renew them 'cause I had to renew mine when I had the flu. You have to stay on 1 week longer. It's so cold up here now, I had to put on my heavy "down" coat 'cause I don't want to get sick again.
Take care-
Love,
Mom

 

 

Captain O'Reilly

This is more about a phone call than the subsequent fax.
So please bear with me.
Only the names have been changed to protect the ambushed.
My mother was coming back to California from New York the other day. There were strong winds in the area, so the plane couldn't take off on time and was going to be delayed by three hours. While waiting at her gate, she called to let me know that I shouldn't worry about picking her up. They wouldn't be landing until after midnight. "That's fine", I said. "Thanks for letting me..."
"Hang on a second...", my mother interrupted. "Captain? Captain?...
Adam, listen, the pilot of the plane wants to talk to you for a second. Here. This is my son, Adam."

Captain O'Reilly: Hello?
Adam: Hello?
Captain O'Reilly: Hi, this is Captain O'Reilly. I'm here with your mom. (Pause.)
Adam: Is this really the Captain of the plane?
Captain O'Reilly: Yes. Your mom wanted me to tell you that we're going to be delayed about three hours due to the strong winds we're having here. She just didn't want you to worry.
Adam: I...can't believe she got you on the phone to tell me that.
AWKWARD PAUSE
Captain O'Reilly: No problem. Have a great day.
Adam: Thanks.
Captain O'Reilly: Here's your mom again.
Adam's Mom: Hello?
Adam: (Dialtone.)

Upon her return, she handed me the following note to fax to the airline.
How does a guy like me keep his mojo?

Please send to Human Resource Department
Re: Captain O'Reilly
4/29/10
Dear Sir:
I took a flight from >>>>> to California. We were booked to leave at 6PM Eastern Time. There was a delay and we didn't leave until 9PM. I was so impressed by the Pilot-Captain O'Reilly that I had to write this letter.
I was in a wheelchair and he was so considerate and caring for my welfare that I felt completely safe and secure about the flight (late or not).
He even took the time to call my son in Burbank on my cell phone to let him know of the delay and not to worry.
Because of his concern for all the passengers, he is one of the few pilots I have seen that has the empathy and respect that others do not have.
Therefore, I believe he deserves some kind of recognition.
Thank you. It was my pleasure.
Joan

 

Sketch Larry Did

This letter and napkin arrived in the early 1990's, right before my big trip to Australia with my then-girlfriend, Dana. Thank you Larry, (whoever you are), for capturing the essence of confidence, joy and complete lack of fear that was, is, and always will be..., my mother.

Adam-
Enclosed find sketch Larry did of me. Don’t my eyes look sad?
Anyhow, Bon Voyage and have fun.
Love,
Mom
P.S. Is this a better note?

 

Ashes In A Closet

Whenever my mother travels, a letter from her is inevitable and its topic will always involve her passing. This one arrived right before her recent trip to New York.

 

I Wonder What He Was Doing

What?

Sunday
Dear Adam-
One of the neighbors told me she saw Saul, the landlord go into my apartment when I was at work. I asked him if he did and why and he said he doesn’t recall doing it!
I know the neighbor wouldn’t make up a story and I wonder what he was doing when he comes in here! You just feel like your privacy has been invaded! I’m going to tell him not to come in here unless I know about it! Anyhow, I got that off my chest.
I sent Dr. Rish another $25. I don’t understand why you to to him so much! You only have to send Iliana $100. You can pay her the other $100 later.
I love you.
Mom

 

I Play The Lottery

"You've got to ask yourself one question...Do I feel lucky?"

Tuesday
Adam-
Since I had to get out of my place that I was renting with a very unpleasant lady, you let me come stay with you for a couple of weeks until I move into my new place, and I really appreciate it as I know you both have a busy life. What with the kids, the Nanny, and the two of you both working, I realize it's quite an imposition to say the least! Even a relative should not be a handicap to their children!
I play the lottery once in awhile and if I win tonight, I'll move into a hotel (which is what I would prefer) and I'd be very happy to give you kids half of my winnings as I know things are hard for you both in this recession (as it is for a lot of people.)
But, we should all remember to count our blessings and we have many to be grateful for.
Love,
Mom

 

Role Model

Los Angeles/Summer 2010
Family seeking...
Part-time housekeeper for out of state family member's visit;
OR
Full-time therapist for in-state neurotic mother.

Sunday
Adam,
I have always tried to protect you from both Bonnie and Michael when you were a kid because they were dysfunctional and both had obvious sociopathic disorders.
I'm concerned about my grandchildren now when it comes to Bonnie's possible visit to stay with you. She smokes pot, she's a pig, and leaves her urine on the seat after she goes.
I know it's up to you and Maria with whether she stays with you or not. Just as I told you about (Cousin) Laurie, I'm voicing my concern.
She is NO role model for the children. Ask (Cousin) Andrew. He had to throw her (literally) out of his house.
Mom