??

I don't believe I ever answered ONE of her questions.
That's right. I'm a rebel.
A rebel Chicken.

11/16/99
Chicken,
Here at office-boring!
What date are you coming East?
On what airline?
What airport?
Where are you staying?
What is phone number?
Am I still spending Christmas Day with all of you at Annette's?
Where and what time should I meet you?
What date are you going back?
Do you have warm clothes because it will be bitter cold?
Christmas is on Saturday. I'm off the 24th and 27th so I have 4 whole days. Hope I can spend some time with you.
Much love-
Mom
P.S. As you know, Nan's birthday is 11/29. Bonnie's 12/23.

 

COMBAT

This letter is from April 1987...
You gotta love segues...

Monday
Dear Adam-
Do you think it's a good idea to leave the piano in the lobby of a building you're not in anymore? Personally, I would put it in storage for $100 for one month. It may even cost only $50.
There's something new for roaches called Combat. You can buy it at Ralph's. There's no mess and no smell and it works. I got it for my kitchen.
A thought-Alisa is your girlfriend. But until the two of you "tie the knot", I don't think you should confide about very personal matters, do you?
Some things are better kept confidential.
I love you-
Mom

 

Eva Marie Saint

Tuesday
Adam-
I just finished up with the Department of Motor Vehicles-and the guy who snapped my picture, asked me if I was Eva Marie Saint! The movie star!
Just thought I'd let you know!
Love,
Mom

Dude

For anyone who wonders if I still get letters to this day, the answer is, "Yes, Your Honor". This one arrived just yesterday. (My mom doesn't know the first thing about emails.)

While some of you might think it'd be cool to have a mom incorporating the hippest catch phrases into their salutations, the rest of you may understand why I just HAD to post this one immediately. It made me feel kind of strange. OK, VERY strange. I mean, she's just not the "duuuude" kinda guy, you know?

Anyway, I've got to go now and update my resume. Once I nail this high-paying job she wrote me about, it's lunch for everybody on me, baby!

Friday-
Adam-
Check it out dude-
(I like the way that guy Randy talks on American Idol)-
New York Life Insurance is hiring people for various positions. I saw it in today's LA Times. You should look into this. Their starting salary is $34,000 a year!
Love,
Mom

 

Con Men

Sunday

Dear Adam,

I heard on National TV that there is a telephone scam on. Con men call on the phone and try to sell you all kinds of things, gets your credit card number and cons people. Hang up on anyone on the phone that tells you of a great deal. Someone called me the other day and I hung up on him. He called me back and I told him if he bothered me again, I would report him to the Better Business Bureau. So, be careful of telephone salesmen.
Love,
Mom

 

Lifeguard

I'm not sure what pisses me off more about this letter.
The fact that I was 39 when I got it, or the fact that I got it at all. Maybe she just sincerely forgot that I worked as a lifeguard throughout high school and college. At least, that's what I like to tell myself.


Adam-
If you go to the beach, make sure you go where there is a Lifeguard near. It's much safer if you're going in the water.
Love,
Mom

 

Nan Saw The Letter!

At least once in my life, someone has told me something about themselves that I feel they’re trying to convince me of believing rather than simply having a normal conversation. Has that happened to you? For me, it’s like hearing the phrase, "I swear I'm telling the truth!" after every word they say. That's how I ALWAYS feel when it comes to my mother. And now, I honestly doubt the validity of everything she tells me.
Take the information sent to me in this letter. 100%? In the whole city? In history? Besides, Nan is 91 years old! She can hardly see anything...

NYCERS=New York City Employee's Retirement System

Just want you to know, if anything happens to me, this is the place you call as you are listed as my beneficiary in the event of my demise and you continue to collect $200 a month.
Mom
(over)
Did you know I was the only one in the history of New York City that ever placed 100% on the civil service exam for social workers? I have the letter they sent me to that effect!
Nan saw the letter!